Ectopic pregncnies x2

In an effort to try and maintain my blog I want to post about the things that have been gong on in our lives lately but mostly what's happened to me over the past few months. In September, 2013 we found out that we were once again pregnant and were both very excited about it. We didn't tell many people in order to insure everything was going to be alright with the baby first.

About 6 weeks into the pregnancy I started to have bleeding so I knew there was something wrong. At the time I was visiting my sister in Rexburg so I went to the hospital there to get things checked out. After many tests they sent me home with a diagnosis of a miscarriage which honestly really sucked! I had to deal with it there was no other way. I have always tried to live my life with the philosophy that "it is what it is...time to move on." I try, but don't always succeed, to not dwell on things and do my best to move past them.

3 more weeks went by and I was still having very heavy bleeding so I knew something was not right. I remember saying to my family that I totally felt like I was still pregnant. So I made an appointment with my doctor here in San Diego in an effort to figure out what was going on. He thought that the constant bleeding was still an aftermath of the miscarriage but wanted to do blood work just in case and schedule me an appointment with the OB clinic at the main Navy hospital. So I did  the blood work and made the next appointment.

When I arrived at the appointment at the OB clinic I explained everything to them and once again they wanted more blood work. On a side note, I have the smallest veins known to man kind so it is very difficult to get a vein. I usually have to be poked at least 3 times before they actually get blood. The record so far is 6 pokes before blood. Anyways, the doctor explained that they wanted to make sure that my HCG levels were not rising and that they were continuing to go down. They didn't seem to worried and were confident that nothing would be a problem so they sent me home to wait for the results of the blood work.

After a few hours at home I got a call saying you need to come to the hospital right now for an ultrasound, come straight to labor and delivery and don't eat anything. I told Mike that I had to go and that I would keep him updated as I heard news. So I headed to the hospital and once I go there they sent me to the waiting room to wait, and wait, and wait. I had been there for over 4 hours and hadn't heard a thing, at this point I was pissed. If it was so urgent why were they making me wait so long. I got up and prepared to go home when finally they called me back for the ultrasound.

While they were doing the ultrasound I had no idea what was going on. Could I still be pregnant? Nobody was telling me anything. They had a few ultrasound techs come in and it seemed pretty serious but I still knew nothing. After the ultrasound they told me to head back to the waiting room to wait to hear from the doctor. On my way out the door I was stopped by 3 surgeons telling me that I need to be rushed to emergency surgery because I had an ectopic pregnancy.

For those that don't know, an ectopic pregnancy is where the egg implants in the fallopian tube instead of the uterus. This can be very dangerous to the mother because the tube can rupture and essentially cause they mother to bleed to death. Thus the reason I was having such heavy bleeding. The reason the doctors were no concerned before this point is because usually people with ectopic pregnancies have a lot of pain and cramping and I was not experiencing any of that.

So after this rather shocking news I called mike and told him he needed to arrange for someone to watch the kids and come to the hospital ASAP. I also called my mom who lives about an hour away and asked her if she would come down to be with the kids for the night. She basically dropped everything she was doing and came down immediately. It was about 30 minutes from the time I finished the ultrasound to the time I was in for surgery.

Everything with the surgery went well except that my tube had already ruptured and they had to remove it. At this point I only have one tube left. They told me the chances of me getting pregnant again were still really good and not to worry about that. But they also told me that the chances of having another ectopic pregnancy were greater as well. So the next morning I was sent home and told that I needed to come back once a week for more blood work until my HCG levels were back to zero. Also once my levels were down we could start trying again for another baby. Which is exactly what we did.

Shortly after all this drama I got another positive pregnancy test in the middle of January 2014.  I was happy but very worried at the same time and this time we told no one. Like clock work 6 weeks into the pregnancy I started bleeding and I knew it was happening again. I went to the ER where they sent me home with a diagnosed miscarriage once again and scheduled me for the OB clinic. At my appointment the next day they said they thought for sure it was a miscarriage and blah blah blah I had heard this all before but I knew they were wrong. They scheduled me for a D&C basically they scrape the lining of  your uterus to see if there is any signs of pregnancy in the uterus and if there is they know that it is a miscarriage and if not then they know its another ectopic.

Well guess what after a very painful D&C it turns out I was having another ectopic pregnancy. 2 ectopic pregnancies in less that 5 months what are the odds! This time since they were able to catch it in time they were able to give me a shot of methotrexate which basically ends the pregnancy before it ruptures the tube. So I still have one tube but my chances of more ectopic's are even higher.  I hope that I am explaining this in a way for people to understand but once you have a baby implanted in the tube there is nothing you can do, they egg can not be moved and it can not grow and develop successfully in the tube.

So here I am now, wanting another baby but worried about the outcome. I always say, I have the 2 most amazing, beautiful children in the world and if I never have anymore kids I am grateful that I have them. I truly believe that there is a reason for what I went through, I might not understand it now but The Lord has a purpose for all of his children. There are amazing people that cant have any babies of their own and I would feel immensely ungrateful if I didn't look at the blessings that I do have and appreciate them.

I share this for 2 reasons, one to have as a journal for myself to remember and reflect upon, and two to hopefully touch someone else that might be having similar issues. In the end...It Is What It Is...time to move on.

Patience

Well Michael has been gone for 1 month, 1 MONTH!!! THATS IT! Ugh! It seems like its been forever. So for the past month I have been a single parent 95% of the time. I have gained a lot of respect for those mothers out there don't have a spouse to help them out. I have come to the conclusion that I am not cut out to be a full time stay at home mom. Don't get me wrong, I love my children but I just don't have the patience to be home all the time. Judge me all you want but I need my breaks from my kids. I have worked my entire life, since I was 15 I have pretty much always had a job. Even after I had both of my kids I was working 3 weeks later. I like to work and I need to work for my sanity. I loved coaching gymnastics because I was only gone from the kids for 3-4 hours and it was perfect cause I missed them while I was gone and I was happy to see them when I got home. Now that I am home full time I am trying to find the balance and I haven't seemed to find it. I can tell that my patience is slowly diminishing and it sucks. I find my self getting mad about the dumbest thing and quickly losing my temper. I have been praying every night for more patience so hopefully I will find out how to cope. I have the best support system, my parents are amazing for letting us live here and they are very helpful with the kids. I have great friends that I can complain to and are always willing to offer advice. But nothing beats my best friend, my partner, my husband, their dad! I have discovered how much I need him and how much the kids need him. It was so easy to be patient with him around and he helped me get through the struggles that I dealt with on a day to day basis. I miss him so much. I am on the verge of tears 90% of the time and I am doing my best to keep it together.  I miss him! 1 month down 4 more to go...wish me luck!

COLOR ME RAD!!!

Today Rebecca and I ran/walked (mostly walked!) our first ever 5K. It was the color me rad in Fresno. Pretty much you run on a trail and get pelted but color bombs and color water. It was so fun. We both ended up having to bring our kids which was a little hard but they had fun for the most part. Logan actually hated it but was a good sport about sitting in the stroller. We all left the race looking extremely colorful and with smiles on our faces. It was a blast, I would totally do it again! Enjoy the pics!

Bubbles bubbles and more bubbles

Since its been nice outside we've been hanging out in the backyard and at the park. The kids love bubbles so I've been trying to find a good bubble machine that they will love. I've found a few and they are having a blast! I believe it will be a BUBBLY summer!

Bye bye daddy!!!

We had to say goodbye to daddy and it was really hard! I was bawling like a baby! I think he got a little teary eyed too but he was trying to be strong for us. The kids didn't really understand what was going on, but Logan had asked for his daddy a lot since he has been gone. Parker looks at pictures of Mike and says "DADDY!" I know they miss him. I have gotten a few emails from him which is nice but its still been really hard. I think the hardest part is knowing that he is in a dangerous situation. I hope and pray everyday for his safe return to us!

Movies with daddy

Daddy wanted to take the kids on a movie date. They went to see The Croods and the loved it! It was nice for them to spend some special time with daddy before he leaves tomorrow

Videos of my kiddos Easter egg hunt at Aunt Kellis

Easter Babies

My cute Little Easter Babies-Easter 2013

Logan 3 

Parker 18 mo

Splash Pad

We came down to my parents for Easter weekend and went shopping at the spectrum. The had a splash pad and the kids had the best time running around getting wet. What a BLAST!

Much Needed Update

Well it has been a while since I have blogged and I have been feeling rather guilty about it. I was talking to my mom about how I have a horrible memory and I cant remember hardly anything from my childhood and I got to thinking about how I don't want to forget anything about my children's childhood, so I am going to try keep up with the blog that way I can go back and read about my kids and family.

We are currently living in Lemoore, CA and our approaching the 2 year mark in our Navy career. We like Lemoore but are very excited about our transfer to San Diego coming up in September. In the meantime, Mike will be heading out for a 6 month deployment leaving on Tuesday and coming back sometime in September. We are really sad about it are will really really miss him. While Mike is gone the kids and I are going to move in with my parents in their new house in San Clemente, CA. We leave Lemoore on April, 26th and will head down to my parents. We are sad to be leaving some of the wonderful friends that we have come to know and love in Lemoore but we know it will be a great opportunity for us to save money and to be closer to the grandparents.

Michael is enjoying his time in the Navy and is doing a really good job. He works long and crazy hours which means we hardly ever see him but we are proud of him. He just sold his very first car that he ever had and bought himself a motorcycle. He is so happy to have the motorcycle and I am a little nervous about it of course.

Logan is 3 and will be 4 in September. He is a happy-go-lucky boy and is a joy in our household. He is super smart and loves to ride his bike. He is currently in LOVE with beyblades and will play them all day long and tell anyone and everyone all about them. He started primary this year and loves to sing songs and learn about Jesus. He is looking forward to playing with grandma and grandpa this summer, learning how to swim better, and starting preschool in the fall.

Miss Parker is the cutest little handful anyone could ask for. She is now 18 months and will be starting nursery the week after conference. She can say almost any word you ask her too but only if she wants too. She is quite stubborn like her mama. She loves her brother but doesn't quite get the concept of sharing with him. She is a wonderful sleeper and loves to take naps. She thinks every stuffed animal is her "baby" and will carry them around all day. She knows how to fold her arms during prayer and to say amen. She has beautiful blue eyes and loves to suck on her 2 fingers. We love her very much!

Well I am busy trying to keep everything together. I just recently quit my job coaching gymnastics so I could focus on the move and spend time with Mike before he left. I am training to run my first 5K in April and I am really excited we'll see how it goes. I am trying to prepare myself for Mike to leave but don't really know how to do that so I am doing the best I can. my family is the best part of my life and I am thankful everyday for them. More to come from the Lainharts (hopefully ;p )

Parker's blessing

We blessed Parker on Nov. 6th in my parents ward. Michael was really nervous but he did a really great job. We had a lot of family there to support us and Danny and Brieghann representing for the Lainhart side. It was nice to see everyone and spend time with the family. It is amazing to have my children blessing in the church and to have a worthy husband who can do it.

Baka Parker

"Hi baka Paker, Hi baka Parker!" This is what Logan is constantly saying to Parker. He is trying to say "baby Parker" but it comes out as "baka Parker" it's pretty cute actually. He loves her so much. The first few days of her life he wasn't really sure about her and was getting pretty jealous that I was spending so much time with her. Now he loves to help, he throws her diapers in the trash, gives her her binkie, and makes sure we all know when she is crying. He is going to be a great big brother. She has been in our lives for 3 weeks and it has been amazing. I feel like she has always been a part of out family and that she makes our family complete (for now.) I couldn't have asked for a better newborn, she is so mellow and easy just like Logan was. I think my parents were secretly hoping that I would get a hellion child like I was but so far they are both great. She only wakes up once a night to nurse then goes straight back to sleep. The only thing that is hard for me is that I still feel very sleep deprived which leaves me with almost no energy for the rest of the day. And of course my 2 yr old is a ball of energy which makes things a little difficult. The first few weeks were hard for me though. The c-section was harder to recover from then last time so I was in a lot of pain. I broke out in this horrible, itchy rash due to the pain killers I was taking so I had to stop taking them and deal with the pain. Then I got a bad cold that lasted for about a week, and lastly I got about 75 (not really, but still) cold sores on my bottom lip due to all the stress I was under. Fortunately most of all that crap has gone away and I m on my way to being back to normal. I love my kids so much and am so grateful to be a mother.

Potty Training

I've been putting off potty training for months, I kept telling myself that he wasn't ready yet but really I was just to lazy to put in the effort. My mom bought me this book a few months back called Potty Training in One Day, so I finally decided to try it. Basically you sit with your child for hours and hours and do nothing but teach him how to use the potty. It took us about 3 hours of sitting in the kitchen with lots of treats until he finally started to get the hang of it. He had a few accidents that day but not as bad as I thought it would be. It's been 3 days and since then he has been doing great. He had one accident yesterday and none today so far. He even will tell me sometimes when he has to go. Although I will not let him out of my sight and am constantly asking him if he needs to go potty. The only downfall has been that he still has yet to go #2 since we have started. So it has been 3 days and he is holding it in because I think he is afraid to go on the potty and doesn't want to go in his underwear. So we are working on it. I am glad he is making such good progress and I am hoping within the next few weeks he will be fully potty trained. Don't know what took me so long, it will be so nice to only have 1 kid in diapers!!!

Parker Michelle Lainhart

SHE'S HERE!!!!

Parker Michelle Lainhart

October 5th, 2011

7lbs 13oz, 20 3/4 in long

tons of dark dark hair

blue eyes(so far)

big "Van Dusen" cheeks

tiny ball of cuteness!!

My sweet little princess has arrived and she is perfect! She is so adorable and honestly just as mellow as Logan was when he was born. She hardly ever cries and she is great at nursing. She wakes up probably twice a night and then goes right back to sleep. Logan is not interested in her at all and is pretty jealous of all the attention she getting, but I am sure with time he will love her as much as we do. The c-section went great although recovery isn't exactly easy. We were in the hospital for 2 days and then we headed down to my moms house so she could help me recover and help out with Logan.. My mom was able to pick up Logan and take him to her house while we were in the hospital which was really helpful. We can't believe that we are now a family of 4 and are feeling so blessed that we have 2 beautiful, healthy children. We are excited to start this new chapter in our lives!

Happy Anniversary!!!

3 years and still going strong. Don't get me wrong we have definitely had our share of ups and downs but I would never change the experiences and the memories that we have shared together. Michael has blessed me with the most amazing son anyone could ask for and a beautiful daughter to be joining our family tomorrow. He makes me laugh, smile, and feel beautiful just the way that I am. He is such a good father and it brings me so much joy to see how much Logan loves him. He has exceeded my expectations in many ways and is becoming the man that I knew he could always be. Before we got married many people were skeptical wondering if I was making the right decision and if he would be able to do the things that he has promised me. Of course when you are making a huge decision in your life you always have worries and doubts but as the years have gone by I am 100% confident that I made the right decision to marry him. In 3 years we have both changed for the better and have had the opportunity to learn and grow together. I know there will be many more rough times in our marriage but I also know that we can get through them. Thank you Michael for all that you do for me and our family. I love you more than words can describe.

Stressed and Blessed

STRESSED:

Lately I have been feeling a lot of stress about all the upcoming changes in my life. I am worried about Logan and how he will react to another baby. He is literally my best friend and I don't want him to feel like we've replaced him. I am worried about whether or not to have a c-section again or to try a v-back. The annoying thing about military insurance is that I have to see the doctors that they tell me to see not who I want to see. So since we have been living on base I have seen 3 different doctors and have been told 3 different things about how and when I will be having this baby. I know ultimately it is my decision but I want to make sure that I am doing what is right for this baby and for my future children. It sucks living here because we have no friends and no family close by, so if I go into labor I pretty much have no one to call to watch Logan while I am in the hospital. Sure there are ladies in the ward that are willing to help but I don't know most of them so it's hard to think about living my son with someone I don't really know. I really want my mom to be there when I have her but my dad is having surgery on October 3rd which is really close to my due date, so the possibilities of her being able to make it here are really slim. I'm stressed about money and making sure that we get our bills covered every month. Mike works about 10 hours a day and hardly makes enough money to get us by every month. There are a lot of things going on that make me worried and stressed and sometimes I don't think I can handle it.

BLESSED:

With all this stress I still feel truly blessed. I am blessed to have a husband that has a job and is willing to do whatever it takes to take care of our family. I am blessed that my family is healthy and happy and growing. I am grateful to have the gospel that is constant and always there as a source to turn to. I am lucky to have such wonderful family members. My family and Mike's family have always been there for us willing to help us out whenever we need something. I am blessed to have 2 siblings serving missions that are great examples to me and my family. I am blessed to have found a job doing something I love (coaching gymnastics) that is willing to wait for me to have the baby and recover before I start working. I am thankful for a place to live, food on my table, and clothes on my back. I know that life gives us lots of trials and plenty of stress but I also know that I can get through these things when I reflect on the blessings that I have and when I turn to my Savior for help.

Update....

We've been a busy family lately. I am glad to say that my hubby is back with us and it is wonderful. We have moved to Lemoore, CA and are still trying to get settled. We have been here for about 3 weeks and were living in a hotel for the first week while we waited for housing on base to open up. finally we got into a really nice house and we love it. It is a 3 bedroom 2 1/2 bathroom house with a garage and a backyard. The only drawback is that we are still waiting for all our stuff to be moved here from Idaho Falls. The tell us that it should arrive sometime between August 15th and 22nd. So we have been sleeping on a air mattress and living off of the few things that we had packed in or cars. So far life on base is pretty good. Everything you could ever need or want is on base, gas station, grocery store, bowling ally, movie theater, shopping center, pools, and schools. There is a park literally right outside our back yard and a swimming pool across the street. We take Logan to the pool almost every other day. Mikes squadron is still deployed and is supposed to be back sometime in September. So he hasn't done much working since we've been here which has been nice because we've been able to spend time together. Once his squadron gets back who knows what his hours will be. Mr. Logan is the joy and love of my life. He is literally my best friend and I love spending my days with him. He is getting so smart and it amazes me what he has learned. He can say prayers all by himself and is starting to combine 2 or 3 words together. He is still super obsessed with cars and loves watching movies. He is a great kid for the most part and is very easy to handle. As his 2 yr birthday approaches I am getting sad to watch my sweet little boy grow up. It makes me sad that he is not my baby anymore and that he doesn't need me as much as he used to. I am getting nervous about the upcoming arrival of our baby girl and am scared about how he will react to the new family member. I don't want him to be left out and feel like I'm not his anymore. It is going to be difficult to make special time to spend with him but I am going to make that a priority. Just the overall thought of having 2 children scares me to death not to mention the newborn stage again. I will most likely be having her on October 3rd because they do c-sections on Mondays so...a little less that 2 months left to go and I am so anxious to meet her. I'm getting bigger and bigger and more uncomfortable as the days go by. My dad is still completely without hearing and is now patiently waiting to hear when he will be able to have cochlear implant surgery. It makes me really sad for both my mom and dad that they have to go through this. My dad has the most amazing, addictive personality and it seems like with the loss of his hearing he is not the same person. He can't hear my son say "Grandpa" or my mom say " I love you." I am heart broken for both of them and I am just hoping and praying for the best. All in all things are changing and I never know what life will bring us. I am just grateful for health and happiness. Until next time...

lainharts lately...

Well it's been a long month but we're surviving (kind of). Logan and I have been having lots of fun in California but we are ready to be back together with Mike. Logan has changed so much since Mike has seen him last and he will be so proud of the boy he is becoming. Logan us very very into Disney movies especially Cars as I have said before. He will pretty much try to repeat any word that you ask him too, it doesn't always sound right but he is trying. He is a total boy and loves to play outside, go swimming, and play with all cars. He loves going to nursery and I have been told that he is really goo while he is there. He has been a lot better about eating whatever I give him but he defiantly would rather eat candy or treats then anything else. He is starting to get into the terrible two's and loves to throw tantrums and say "NO" to me all the time. I absolutly hate this but I have to keep reminding myself that he is a kid and these things are bound to happen. He is so fun and such a joy to have in my life.

As for me, I have been trying my best to stay busy so that the time goes faster but I have found myself getting lazier and lazier. I am excited to be going to Wymoing in a week to visit Mikes family and to watch his youngest brother graduate from high school. His parents will be moving to China in July so this will be the last time that we get to spend time with them before they go. It is going to be so fun to get out of my parents house and spend time with someone else besides Logan all the time. Plus Mikes mom is very helpful with Logan and loves to spend time with him so it will be great to have someone to help. After a week in Wyoming we will be on our way to Illinois to watch Mike graduate from boot camp! 17 more days and we will be together again as a family. I can't wait to see him! These past couple of months have been much harder than I thought they would be and I've been having a really hard time. I feel like without Mike everything is 10 times harder. I feel like all I am is Logans mom and while I love being Logans mom I never have time for myself and I never get a break. I don't have friends, my parents are ou of town, I don't have a job, I feel like I have nothing. I know I have a lot to be grateful it's just been a really hard time.

I can't wait for my family to be back together. Until then I will keep gettin by day by day.

picture overload

Easter Sunday on which he had a 103 fever

Playing at the beach!

Beach cover in sunscreen

Just hanging out!

He climed in the basket all by himself and loved playing in it

cars, cars, cars!!!

MY SON IS OBSESSED!!! We watch cars everyday
probably 3 times a day. He loves playing with cars, watching
car movies, and calling out every car he sees on the road.
"car car" he says, he loves them. He is truly a boy is every different way!