Lainhart Love

In an effort to try and maintain my blog I want to post about the things that have been gong on in our lives lately but mostly what's happened to me over the past few months. In September, 2013 we found out that we were once again pregnant and were both very excited about it. We didn't tell many people in order to insure everything was going to be alright with the baby first.

About 6 weeks into the pregnancy I started to have bleeding so I knew there was something wrong. At the time I was visiting my sister in Rexburg so I went to the hospital there to get things checked out. After many tests they sent me home with a diagnosis of a miscarriage which honestly really sucked! I had to deal with it there was no other way. I have always tried to live my life with the philosophy that "it is what it is...time to move on." I try, but don't always succeed, to not dwell on things and do my best to move past them.

3 more weeks went by and I was still having very heavy bleeding so I knew something was not right. I remember saying to my family that I totally felt like I was still pregnant. So I made an appointment with my doctor here in San Diego in an effort to figure out what was going on. He thought that the constant bleeding was still an aftermath of the miscarriage but wanted to do blood work just in case and schedule me an appointment with the OB clinic at the main Navy hospital. So I did the blood work and made the next appointment.

When I arrived at the appointment at the OB clinic I explained everything to them and once again they wanted more blood work. On a side note, I have the smallest veins known to man kind so it is very difficult to get a vein. I usually have to be poked at least 3 times before they actually get blood. The record so far is 6 pokes before blood. Anyways, the doctor explained that they wanted to make sure that my HCG levels were not rising and that they were continuing to go down. They didn't seem to worried and were confident that nothing would be a problem so they sent me home to wait for the results of the blood work.

After a few hours at home I got a call saying you need to come to the hospital right now for an ultrasound, come straight to labor and delivery and don't eat anything. I told Mike that I had to go and that I would keep him updated as I heard news. So I headed to the hospital and once I go there they sent me to the waiting room to wait, and wait, and wait. I had been there for over 4 hours and hadn't heard a thing, at this point I was pissed. If it was so urgent why were they making me wait so long. I got up and prepared to go home when finally they called me back for the ultrasound.

While they were doing the ultrasound I had no idea what was going on. Could I still be pregnant? Nobody was telling me anything. They had a few ultrasound techs come in and it seemed pretty serious but I still knew nothing. After the ultrasound they told me to head back to the waiting room to wait to hear from the doctor. On my way out the door I was stopped by 3 surgeons telling me that I need to be rushed to emergency surgery because I had an ectopic pregnancy.

For those that don't know, an ectopic pregnancy is where the egg implants in the fallopian tube instead of the uterus. This can be very dangerous to the mother because the tube can rupture and essentially cause they mother to bleed to death. Thus the reason I was having such heavy bleeding. The reason the doctors were no concerned before this point is because usually people with ectopic pregnancies have a lot of pain and cramping and I was not experiencing any of that.

So after this rather shocking news I called mike and told him he needed to arrange for someone to watch the kids and come to the hospital ASAP. I also called my mom who lives about an hour away and asked her if she would come down to be with the kids for the night. She basically dropped everything she was doing and came down immediately. It was about 30 minutes from the time I finished the ultrasound to the time I was in for surgery.

Everything with the surgery went well except that my tube had already ruptured and they had to remove it. At this point I only have one tube left. They told me the chances of me getting pregnant again were still really good and not to worry about that. But they also told me that the chances of having another ectopic pregnancy were greater as well. So the next morning I was sent home and told that I needed to come back once a week for more blood work until my HCG levels were back to zero. Also once my levels were down we could start trying again for another baby. Which is exactly what we did.

Shortly after all this drama I got another positive pregnancy test in the middle of January 2014. I was happy but very worried at the same time and this time we told no one. Like clock work 6 weeks into the pregnancy I started bleeding and I knew it was happening again. I went to the ER where they sent me home with a diagnosed miscarriage once again and scheduled me for the OB clinic. At my appointment the next day they said they thought for sure it was a miscarriage and blah blah blah I had heard this all before but I knew they were wrong. They scheduled me for a D&C basically they scrape the lining of your uterus to see if there is any signs of pregnancy in the uterus and if there is they know that it is a miscarriage and if not then they know its another ectopic.

Well guess what after a very painful D&C it turns out I was having another ectopic pregnancy. 2 ectopic pregnancies in less that 5 months what are the odds! This time since they were able to catch it in time they were able to give me a shot of methotrexate which basically ends the pregnancy before it ruptures the tube. So I still have one tube but my chances of more ectopic's are even higher. I hope that I am explaining this in a way for people to understand but once you have a baby implanted in the tube there is nothing you can do, they egg can not be moved and it can not grow and develop successfully in the tube.

So here I am now, wanting another baby but worried about the outcome. I always say, I have the 2 most amazing, beautiful children in the world and if I never have anymore kids I am grateful that I have them. I truly believe that there is a reason for what I went through, I might not understand it now but The Lord has a purpose for all of his children. There are amazing people that cant have any babies of their own and I would feel immensely ungrateful if I didn't look at the blessings that I do have and appreciate them.

I share this for 2 reasons, one to have as a journal for myself to remember and reflect upon, and two to hopefully touch someone else that might be having similar issues. In the end...It Is What It Is...time to move on.

Well Michael has been gone for 1 month, 1 MONTH!!! THATS IT! Ugh! It seems like its been forever. So for the past month I have been a single parent 95% of the time. I have gained a lot of respect for those mothers out there don't have a spouse to help them out. I have come to the conclusion that I am not cut out to be a full time stay at home mom. Don't get me wrong, I love my children but I just don't have the patience to be home all the time. Judge me all you want but I need my breaks from my kids. I have worked my entire life, since I was 15 I have pretty much always had a job. Even after I had both of my kids I was working 3 weeks later. I like to work and I need to work for my sanity. I loved coaching gymnastics because I was only gone from the kids for 3-4 hours and it was perfect cause I missed them while I was gone and I was happy to see them when I got home. Now that I am home full time I am trying to find the balance and I haven't seemed to find it. I can tell that my patience is slowly diminishing and it sucks. I find my self getting mad about the dumbest thing and quickly losing my temper. I have been praying every night for more patience so hopefully I will find out how to cope. I have the best support system, my parents are amazing for letting us live here and they are very helpful with the kids. I have great friends that I can complain to and are always willing to offer advice. But nothing beats my best friend, my partner, my husband, their dad! I have discovered how much I need him and how much the kids need him. It was so easy to be patient with him around and he helped me get through the struggles that I dealt with on a day to day basis. I miss him so much. I am on the verge of tears 90% of the time and I am doing my best to keep it together. I miss him! 1 month down 4 more to go...wish me luck!