Patience

Well Michael has been gone for 1 month, 1 MONTH!!! THATS IT! Ugh! It seems like its been forever. So for the past month I have been a single parent 95% of the time. I have gained a lot of respect for those mothers out there don't have a spouse to help them out. I have come to the conclusion that I am not cut out to be a full time stay at home mom. Don't get me wrong, I love my children but I just don't have the patience to be home all the time. Judge me all you want but I need my breaks from my kids. I have worked my entire life, since I was 15 I have pretty much always had a job. Even after I had both of my kids I was working 3 weeks later. I like to work and I need to work for my sanity. I loved coaching gymnastics because I was only gone from the kids for 3-4 hours and it was perfect cause I missed them while I was gone and I was happy to see them when I got home. Now that I am home full time I am trying to find the balance and I haven't seemed to find it. I can tell that my patience is slowly diminishing and it sucks. I find my self getting mad about the dumbest thing and quickly losing my temper. I have been praying every night for more patience so hopefully I will find out how to cope. I have the best support system, my parents are amazing for letting us live here and they are very helpful with the kids. I have great friends that I can complain to and are always willing to offer advice. But nothing beats my best friend, my partner, my husband, their dad! I have discovered how much I need him and how much the kids need him. It was so easy to be patient with him around and he helped me get through the struggles that I dealt with on a day to day basis. I miss him so much. I am on the verge of tears 90% of the time and I am doing my best to keep it together.  I miss him! 1 month down 4 more to go...wish me luck!